I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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