Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize