dude i'm inner monologue high
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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