Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
