he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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