His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
