Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize