I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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