How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
