you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
