Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
