May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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