if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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