stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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