uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
