I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
