You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
