So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
