I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
