so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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