Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize