he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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