i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
