Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
