And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
