The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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