i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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