she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
