You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
