you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
