There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize