Don't you send me to vm
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
