So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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