Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
where am i from again
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
