omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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