Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
