apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
