You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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