I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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