Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
