So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
