My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
