I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
