there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
