Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
