At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
