How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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