Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
