You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
