Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
