I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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