its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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