we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
