she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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