ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
