He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
