True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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