Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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