Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
