i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
