The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
