just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
