Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
how does that bad decision feel?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
