So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
