I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
