haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
