Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
