I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
