so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
