Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
