Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
