so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
