The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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