You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
