just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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