Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize